The Essence of My Very Being

Hope against every hope

Hope against every hope

There are always ups and downs to life. What you need is to never lose touch of those around you that contribute to your ups. Sometimes you can be so consumed in the downs to life, that you let them get to you in a way where you tend to just block everybody out of your life. You tend to become an introvert, and feel that, if you don’t interact with anyone, it will lessen the drama and problems that may come with them.

I feel that most of last year I have done that. A lot of factors as to why I did, but it’s what I felt made me as happy as I could be at the time. What I lost touch of was, those that leave a positive imprint on me, those that tend to inspire me in a way and make me smile on the inside with their outlook on life. That’s what you need to surround yourself with when you feel like running away from everything.

I lost connection with the core of what makes me the person I am and everything that then branches off from that. My identity essentially. My loves, my passions. The fire in my belly. Losing that connection with the one thing that basically gives reason to the person I am, made me hate everything that I essentially really loved or that made me, me. I let people’s negative thoughts, bring me down and change the person I am. I wanted to steer away from being involved with the Maltese community, because being around them made me feel the complete opposite to what it usually did. I was turned off completely to learn the Maltese language because in my mind, the Maltese language was being them. Anything that was associated with them, what I truly felt in my heart, I felt no more, and that was the most scariest feeling ever. I felt like something had died in me. The essence of my very being.

I truly believe, surrounding yourself with positive energies from other people is stronger than that one person who brings you down. At the end of the day, you’re the only person that can allow yourself to feel the way that you do.

The things that were worrying me the most have seen light in the past few months. With that however, I still felt this sad, low feeling. Usually when things resolve themselves, I get over it, forget it was ever a problem and move on with my life with a big smile on my face.

I think this time it really took it’s toll. Which brings me back to what I mentioned in my first few sentences of this post. You start to reconnect with those who brought the light to your life. Not only old friends and family, but even the people you see day-to-day at work. You become so stagnant, you don’t pay any attention to those dealing with their own problems and everyday issues and focus solely on your dwellings.

Life is hard no matter what, your heart will be open to many things in life, even when you don’t want them to be.

I always come to this epiphany and realisation. But never have I let myself stay in the slumps of my own sadness this long, to the point that I even forgot what it feels like to feel this burst of an epiphany and decide “I’m not going to let anything get to me anymore”. It’s normal to feel hurt and upset by something or someone, and to revert everything that makes you the outgoing person you are, it’s like an instant reflex. You just need to remember to never let your self stay in a slump and not let it change the very essence of who you are.

It’s hard you know, trying to fight for something you are so passionate about, working so hard for, only to have the negative people who supposedly are just as passionate and fighting just as hard for, put you down. Instead of working with you, showing how proud they are of their offsprings and encouraging you, they do the complete opposite, which turn you off everything. And I mean e v e r y t h i n g.

And that’s life. You will always come to these brick walls and want to smash your head against them… But you either let it get to you and give up or, you let it make you and not break you, let it shape you and be the bigger person.

I have met people along the way that know exactly what I am on about, who have experienced this brick wall one too many times… Two in particular that I look up to immensely, I don’t think they know it, but they give me that inspiration and motivation to carry on. They give me that boost to keep pushing. To see where they have come and where they are now – we need more people like them encouraging our younger generations.

It’s not just the older mentality. It’s others that are my equal that have raised hair on their backs hissing at me and think they can bully you out of all the hard work you have done.

If I could say anything to these people that think they are bigger and better, who think they know it all, who feed on their pride and ego, who have that negative mentality and think that everyone is out to get them and to work against them………

Don’t.

Just don’t think that way. I wish I could find a way to change the way you all think, but at the end of the day, you’re the one that has to come to that epiphany and realisation, it doesn’t matter what I were to do or say. I just want you to know how much it really puts ‘us’ down, how much ‘we’ actually look up to you even though you make us feel this small… How much we actually respect you.

Don’t make me feel this small.

Don’t dull the fire in my belly.

Don’t kill the essence of my very being.

Do keep an open mind. Make it your philosophy on life and see how it changes you for the good on the inside.

Do let go and embrace the life you have. Embrace it with those who want to share it with you. Your life achievements.

Do keep that essence that was once your very being.

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  One thought on “The Essence of My Very Being

  1. happyhealthygozomalta
    January 11, 2016 at 6:47 AM

    Hey Miss Malta, thanks for sharing these beautiful & honest thoughts. A great 2016 to you!

    Like

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